Monday, January 26, 2009
I did decide that except for a glass of wine here and there, I am going to cut alcohol for a while. Especially beer. It just makes me feel so bloated. blah. Despite all of that though, I have lost 2 pounds. I am really excited about this! I have to call this progress! More importantly though, I have cut soda significantly. I do not rely on my morning DC... I cannot even begin to describe the feeling it is to not have to have a coke in the morning. I have also cut out most crap eating. I am definitely mindful when I eat and it is a choice when I put crap in my mouth... it is not just mindless eating and I find that i am eating less crap! It feels good! I wish i could fast forward to the end and see what I look like 50 pounds lighter!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
I fell off a little yesterday but it wasn't a total train wreck. It is just too damn hard to resist the goodies!! Yesterday at work I over heard a co-worker say to another "Isn't it your turn to bring in donuts?" I turned around and said pretty shitty "please don't!" She looks at me and says, "okay bagels then". I just repeated my please don't and walked away. Skinny people are really clueless is all I have to say!! It drives me nuts. I think I will bring in a fruit tray tomorrow.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I still have not seen any results of my efforts which makes me what to hang it up. I can't. I know if I do, I'll just put on another 50 pounds. I think I am going to start weight watchers officially. That will probably help me stay on track. I just need to be so so strick with it... Maybe by this time next week I will see the little needle on the scale pointing a little less to the right. I'll take a little, that is all I am asking for.
Monday, January 19, 2009
I finally made it in to the gym. I walked at a pretty good pace for 20 minutes, ran for 2 and then walked another 8. It was almost 2 miles. I am quite proud. Now I just need to find time every day to do that!! I guess if I go at 8 pm, I go at 8. I am going to try to get in at least 3 days a week. Hopefully, i will start seeing some results!!! Hot bod? Nah, I just want to be a 10! HA!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I decided to weigh myself yesterday (before the bug kicked my ass) and I have not lost one pound since I have started this little blog. Talk about frustrating! I am not going to let it get me down. I will keep moving forward with good eating habits. I think that all this is telling me is that I need to add a little action to my life. It is so hard right now though. Too dang cold outside and no room inside. What's a girl to do? I'll think of something.
Anywho, I have had a few weak moments. Monday at school someone brought in cookies. They were sitting there for the morning and I resisted. Then at lunch I caved. I told my co-worker how they had been staring at me and I was just going to have to have one. As I got up to reach she says "go ahead but they aren't very good". It was like they had suddenly turned into venomous snakes. I retracted my hand like a whip and off I went. No cookie... I'll call that a victory! After I got home from work I had to face reality and go grocery shopping despite my extreme exhaustion. I caved and grabbed a mountain dew. Not even a diet one, fully loaded. (Notice I didn't grab a diet coke, that would have put me at square one for sure) Off I went. I drank the bubbly sugar in the car and it was awful!! Even after the first few guzzles... it never improved. I did drink the whole thing, which was a mini can by the way, I needed the caffine and boy was I wired!! I won't have another though I don't think. It was down right nasty! So, the last weak moment was that night, GK wanted her chocolate milk. I made her some and thought, what the heck, the milk will do me some good and adding the chocolate won't add too much to the daily count. So after a week of telling myself that I hate chocolate, the chocolate milk tasted like chalk. I guess i won't be drinking that again. The big test will be when i finally do have a diet coke, we'll see if I have really re-trained my brain! By the way, I hate diet coke! It is nasty and tastes like acid. Why would I even try one?
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
So unrelated to weight loss...
I love my husband. I am so grateful for him and I just feel so lucky. I don't have the best body image, no secret. I have often wondered how he can possibly be attracted to me but nearly 50 pounds later, he still can make me mush. Last night as we were trying to go to sleep he rolls over and grabs on to me with such a firm grip that i nearly couldn't breathe. I am not the cuddly type, he is and can't stand that I am not. I almost complained about the grip but then I just settled in and thought, wow. It was such a feeling of security and peace. (this of course sent my mind wheeling down memory lane and i couldn't sleep at all but I didn't mind) He has been holding on to me like that for almost 10 years now. I love nights like that and I pray he never stops...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
So I got a great new haircut last night. I absolutly love it! I do need to work with it a bit to figure out how to make it look as amazing as it did when I left but I love it! It still has a bit of length to it but it is short and choppy on top and in front. It is fun.
With my new hair, I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of determination. For the gazillionth time I said "today is IT". You have to start caring Sarah or you will be fat forever. This is not what you want!! I CAN do it! No, I WILL do it. So I went through my routine, got my lunch together and off I went . I get here and wouldn't you friggin' know it... Donuts. ARG! The old me started to kick in... you can have just one, get past the craving and move on. Then I looked at the pile of donuts and said in my mind... gross donuts, disgusting donuts, yuck donuts, I hate donuts. I HATE THEM. I don't like them, I don't want to eat one of those... I kept this monologue going on as I went about my business and wouldn't you know... I DIDN'T EAT ONE!! I kept going through the day, I went to lunch and there were still about 4 donuts left. They were right in the middle of the table. I grabbed the plate, said to myself, I am going to move these nasty things so I don't have to look at them and I STILL have not had one. I don't even want one. So, new tactic... Here is my list of disgusting food:
Icecream: hate it. It is so gross, i do not want to eat it.
Chocolate: yuck, it is nasty. I hate chocolate.
Cookies: nasty too! I hate cookies.
Potato chips: greasy, worst food on the planet. I hate potato chips.
That'll do for now!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Last night was another friend's birthday, she and I started WW together years ago. She kept going and lost 50 lbs last year. She is amazing. Anyway, she quit going and it starting to gain again. We had a great talk about weight and being real. It was nice to talk to someone who knows rather than my above mentioned friend who is the size of a twig and has no clue the grip food can have!! So, back to the birthday, we went to Carabas which is not a great place to eat if you are trying to lose, but oh well, it was just one night and I decided that the day was already trashed anyway so why not?... It wasn't pretty but I was happy. I got to catch up and reminisce with old friends.
So I have to back up a couple of days and share a good one. There were a few days there that I was doing pretty well so I decided that at the end of the day I could have a little ice cream... 3 nights in a row. Drum Sticks, my fav. I love them!! Well, Monday night I decided to just check in on these little goodies to see what the damage really was. They're small, how bad can it be??? WHHHHHAAAAAA, this is me screaming like a baby. EIGHT points!!!!!! That is more than a flippin' meal!! New rule: Thou Shalt Not Reward Thyself With Food.
BUT I still have not had a Diet coke. Not one, not even when I ate out last night. I had water. That counts for something right??
Monday, January 5, 2009
I think it is going to be easy to stay on program during the week at work. I don't have time to just sit and eat eat eat. The one obstacle I see here is that everyone seems to bring in crap to stick in the office for everyone else to graze on. Why does it seem that when this happens, I am the only one who gains 10 pounds the next day? It has been nearly impossible for me to stay away from the goodies in the past. Donuts anyone? Sure, I'll have three thanks. Candy? Okay, I'll eat most of it, don't you worry! Every time I walk in there I grab a handful of whatever. I make excuses to go in there just to get a sweet fix. This must be what it is like to be addicted to crack.
Today is different! I have managed to go in there and avoid the goodies! I had one, not ten, just one little reese peanut butter cup. That's it! I am so proud of myself! I ate a sensible breakfast, I had a fiber one bar before lunch, I had a small lunch and now it is just auto-pilot until dinner, which is still several hours away but I think i will be okay.
So here is another great accomplishment... NO COKE!! That's right! I didn't have one today in the morning, I didn't have one yesterday, and I didn't have one the day before that!! Whew! I have been drinking lots of water. I hope to see results soon! I will keep myself posted, right here on this little blog. :)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Yesterday was a great day. I didn't eat any extra garbage except movie theater popcorn. Which, if you have kids you need to go see Bolt! It was adorable and GK loved it! NJ got to stay home with a sitter all to herself for the first time. The sitter did not run out screaming so I guess she did okay!
I managed to avoid my morning coke but then had one at the theater. I guess that is considered a special event and permissible on my plan. Like how I make up the rules as I go along? Me too! I just need to keep a limit on those special events! I have a tendency to label many things special events to excuse bad eating. What, no time to go grocery shopping? Special event McD's! Oh darn, I didn't take anything out of the freezer, special event Puccini's... WD got home late? Special event Red Lobster. These special events really hurt my budget so I can look at this limit as a benefit to my body AND my bank account!
Tonight we are going to eat out. We received a gift card and are going to use it. I am not going to make this an excuse to eat poorly though. I will order mindfully, no excuses!
Friday, January 2, 2009
After the weekend things are going to really get crazy. Break will be over and I will be back to juggling my job which sometimes feels like 80 hours a week, my 4 year old, my nearly 6 month old, my husband, my home, my diet... wow that is a list. It is all entirely by choice and I really wouldn't change anything... except having to grade papers. My job would be perfect if I didn't have to grade the darn papers. Yesterday GK had a play date and the mom of this little girl kept saying to me over and over, I don't know how you do it. Honestly, I don't think I am Wonder Woman, or even Bat girl. I just do the things that make me most happy. It gets crazy, my house is always a wreck and I am usually very tired at the end of every day but I am also very happy. Well, for the most part... if I could dump 30 pounds I would feel much better... If I could drop 50, I'll run a marathon, I swear. Okay, I guess I better not set that kind of goal because I will intentionally sabotage myself. I HATE running!
Well, NJ is telling me it is time to check back in so until next time...